someone owes me an orgasm
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
