He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
