i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize