He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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