I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
my poor anus
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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