I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
