first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
