How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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