My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Boobs speak an international language.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
