THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
