I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize