Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
