My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
