hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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