If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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