my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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