She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
