I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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