Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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