you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
