Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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