awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
