she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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