Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That was an excessively violent trivia night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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