I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
