woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
