Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
