Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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