Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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