i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
