Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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