Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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