I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
