yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
