Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
