i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize