I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize