There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize