So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
