You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize