The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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