Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
