i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
