I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
