history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize