i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
