Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize