Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
