Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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