I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
