the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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