Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
