I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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