he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
