I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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