and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
