Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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