just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i drank out of a bidet.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
