They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize