Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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