just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
