Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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