Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
