she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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