do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
