Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize