I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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