when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
