Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize