if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Boobs are out for the taking
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
