I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
