we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
