she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
