just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize