He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
