We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
