I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
what day is it and did you see me today?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
