note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
