Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
