Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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