Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
