2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
