Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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