you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize