It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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