i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
