i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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