DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
