How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
someone owes me an orgasm
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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