Welp...herpes.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
