it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
