she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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