then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There's always time for handjobs
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
