people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
